What Is Parental Alienation And Its Effects On Children
During
the past several years, the rate of divorces has greatly increased, and more
than half of these divorced couples are already parents. Even though going
through a divorce is tough for everyone, but we believe that people with kids
suffer a lot more damage as the harm not only remains to them but also affects
the children.
Parents’
divorce or separation profoundly damages a child’s mental health, no matter how
old or young he or she is. This situation can be extremely confusing and scary
for the children; the first two years after separation are especially very
frustrating for the kids.
Young
children develop a constant fear that their parents will stop loving them
someday as they have stopped loving each other. Also, they get confused by
living in two different houses to be with either parent. Teenagers may get a
little aggressive and start blaming one parent for the turmoil caused amongst
the family, and this is exactly where parental alienation may take rise.
What
is parental alienation?
Parental
alienation is also sometimes referred to as parental alienation syndrome by
psychiatrists. This term was introduced by a child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A.
Gardner, in the 1980s, who claimed that this syndrome takes place when one
parent tries to brainwash the child and turn him against the other.
The
parent who is angry at their spouse (or, in some cases, ex-spouse) is most
likely to do it by creating a negative image of the other parent in front of
the child. This can be done through false accusations or even by degrading the
other parent when needed, just to make sure the innocent child is on their
side. They might even ‘hoard’ the children only to deprive the other parent of
meeting them because of the fear that the child might actually start liking
them.
What
research indicates?
It
is discovered in many researches that most of the time, the alienating parent
is a mother who is trying to turn the kids against their father. However,
simultaneously there are also a number of reported cases where the father is
creating this upheaval and making sure the kids don’t get to spend time with
their mother.
Generically,
whichever of the two parents is emotionally unstable is the one who tries to
alienate the other one. These attempts are aimed at seeking more attention and
affection from the kids. Also, the alienating parent is usually more
financially powerful as well. They are willing to afford all the legal
challenges that come their way during these tough days.
The
frightening truth that these alienating parents don’t know is that they are
doing a severe amount of damage to their own children, which they will surely
regret in the coming years. Such kids tend to develop aggression and temper
issues for their entire lifetime, which makes their lives very difficult.
Who
does parental alienation?
The
alienating parent is usually very self-obsessed and egotistic. Such actions
portray either selfish or marginal tendencies.
Self-absorbed
people are narcissists who have zero ability to even listen to others, let
alone understand someone else’s point of view. All they do is completely focus
on them and strive for whatever they want and whatever brings them happiness.
They tend to give absolutely no importance or regard to other’s feelings and
wishes. They are least interested in other’s opinions and beliefs.
Alienating
parents have a higher degree of self-obsession, and they are more than likely
to use their own kids as pawns in their fights with their spouse, they may see
this as a strong weapon to destroy their partner or ex-partner. Even though
these narcissists claim that they are doing this to ensure their children’s
safety and all they want is to protect their kids from the toxicity of their
other parent - but, in fact, they have little or no regard for the children’s
welfare. All they actually want is to win over their children’s support and
deprive the other parent of their kids’ warmth and love to make them suffer in
the worst way possible.
Impact
of parental alienation on children
Where
kids value and even benefit from the presence of both their parents in their
lives, they get very negatively affected if either one of them is missing. This
can completely shatter their mental health for their entire lives, and might as
well shape up their opinion about love and relationships.
These
innocent little creatures are damaged heavily when parents crumple them in
their own fights and on their way through divorce. There is nothing that can damage
or harm your child more than you, especially if you are an alienating parent.
By doing so, you are depriving your child of an incredible blessing for his
entire life just to win your own little ego battle against your spouse.
What
provokes parental alienation activities?
In
most of the cases, the alienating parent’s main aim is to take revenge from
their partner who may have intentionally or unintentionally hurt them in their
married life journey or while divorcing. However, for a parent to turn into an
alienator is not necessarily caused by the hurt they may have experienced at
the hands of their spouse, the reason behind this change in them can simply be
their own narcissism as well.
To
your surprise, they might have even initiated the divorce themselves, which
they then accuse their partner for. Some other causes may include jealousy and
hatred towards the ex-spouse for remarrying or getting involved with someone
else.
You
may be surprised, but some alienators even do it as an attempt to squeeze out
some money from their ex-partner. Unbelievable, how some people stoop so low
for the sake of money. These arrogant, greedy souls don’t think once for their
child and are completely blinded by their greed for money. They believe that
when the children live with them, their ex-spouse will cater to extra child
support through which they can easily profit by quoting the wrong expenses of
the child.
Other
than this, another motive behind parental alienation can be an excessive
obsession with the child. People who do this don’t realize how they are
damaging their own child out of mere love. These alienators tend to start
alienating the child from a very young age to make sure he’s on their side
before gaining maturity and the ability to decide for himself. Usually,in the
end, such people are always left alone.
However,
there are a million other reasons as well that combine to provoke parental
alienation behaviors, but these are the most commonly found ones.
Effects
of parental alienation on children:
We
have mentioned some of the dangerous effects parental alienation brings on
children above as well, but to give you a clearer image, here are some more of
the most commonly-seen effects in such children:
1. Such children develop aggression:
When
young children see one of their parents getting alienated, and they are always
fed with negativity from the alienator, they develop temper issues, and they
start getting angry at every little inconvenience.
They
start looking at everything in a negative way, and even when someone is only
trying to help them out of kindness, they tend to react adversely as they are
nurtured in this way - and according to them, this is the right thing to do.
2. Children who are victims of parental
alienation grow self-hatred:
This
is probably the worst of all the effects! When a child is always targeted and
brought between quarrels, he starts thinking his parents are fighting because
of him, and maybe they would be better off without him. This self-hatred may
lead to suicidal thoughts or even result in the child, causing himself minor
harms such as burning or cutting parts of his body as an attempt to punish
himself. These things are a hundred times more disturbing in real life than
they are in reading.
3. The children become depressed:
Depression
is a very common disorder nowadays as everyone is surrounded by a bunch of
problems. However, depression in young children is far more dangerous than in
adults. Kids don’t know how to cope up with this disorder. In many cases, such
kids are prone to get involved in drugs and other such activities. Severe
depression might as well lead them to take their own life or worse, make them a
criminal who is always looking for people to punish.
These
are just a handful of effects to give you an idea of how dangerous parental
alienation actually is for children. There are a billion more adverse effects
that this deadly syndrome brings upon innocent lives.
If
you ever feel angry at your spouse, try to sort it out when your child is not
around. Also, show him that just like disagreements are natural, so is making
up after a fight. Your child’s mental health should be
your first priority as he’s not only your kid but also the future of your
country. We hope this article was helpful for you and helped you understand the
addressed issue.
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